Checklist
I have included 3 different sets of symptoms below:
Gardner’s 8 symptoms of Parental Alienation
Richard A. Gardner M.D. Clinical Professor of Child Psychiatry at Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeon, says that these are the 8 symptoms of P.A.
1. The campaign of denigration (click here for more detail)
2. Weak, frivolous and absurd rationalisations for the denigration. (click here for more detail)
3. Lack of ambivalence. (click here for more detail)
4. The “independent thinker phenomenon.” (click here for more detail)
5. Reflexive support of the alienating parent in the parental conflict. (click here for more detail)
6. Actions of guilt over cruelty to and/or exploitation of the alienated parent. (click here for more detail)
7. The presence of borrowed scenarios. (click here for more detail)
8. The spread of animosity to the extended family and alienated parent. (click here for more detail)
Symptoms of Parental Alienation ‘syndrome’ (PAS) From Simple Free Law Advisor
PAS is the systematic denigration of one parent by the other with the intent of alienating the child against the other parent. The purpose of the alienation is usually to gain or retain custody without the involvement of the other parent.
Essentially the child is being or has been programmed to view the other parent, usually the father, as both an aggressor against the child’s mother in that he is “trying to take” the child from their mother and as an abusive father, sometimes convincing the child of abuse or neglect that simply did not or is not occurring. There are some symptoms that a child exhibits when they are the victim, or unwitting accomplice to a parent’s attempts at alienation.
Symptoms that the child exhibits include:
1.The child has a campaign of denigration against the alienated parent. The child has absurd or unrealistic complaints or accusations against the target parent. In essence, the child is looking for any negative to grasp onto and elevates each negative to the level of abuse.
2.The child shows no ambivalence in their animosity toward the target parent.
3.The child feels and believes that all of the emotion that is directed against the target parent is their own and that no one else had any influence on their feelings in this regard.
4.Reflexive support of the alienating parent. In any situation the alienating parent can do no wrong and any attempt or perceived attempt to refute or deny this is evidence that the target parent is victimizing the alienating parent.
5.The presence of borrowed scenarios. The use of what are obviously not the child’s own experiences to bolster the negative image of the target parent, such as quoting experiences that the child was too young to remember or was not present for or that did not even occur. The extended family can also exhibit many of these symptoms as they become programmed by the alienating parent as well. Symptoms that the alienating parent can exhibit include the following:
6.Giving the child choices involving visitation when there are no real choices. The alienating parent may let the child believe that they have an active choice in whether or when they may visit the other parent when in fact the parent or courts have already decided on the visitation situation. The result is usually that the child blames the non-residential parent and that parent ends up victimized no matter what the outcome.
7.Telling the child ‘everything’ about the divorce and custody situation under the guise of “being honest” with the child. This is destructive and painful for the child and the ‘honest’ representation of the proceedings invariably favor the alienator and show the target parent as the aggressor.
8.Refusing to allow the child to transport belongings to the other parent’s residence.
9.Refusing or resisting allowing the target parent access to the child’s school or medical records or schedules of extra-curricular activities
10. Blaming the target parent for the divorce, the alienating parent’s financial position, changes in lifestyle or lack of romantic life.
11. Refusing to be flexible with visitation.
12 .Forcing the child to choose between one parent and the other. Essentially asking the child to abandon the target parent.
13. Questioning whether or not to change the child’s name or suggesting that a step-parent adopt the child.
14. Having secret or special signs with the child. Secret words or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce alienation.
15. Setting up temptations that interfere with the target parent’s visitation
16. Reacting with hurt or sadness at the child’s having a good time with the target parent, as though the child has betrayed the alienating parent.
Asking the child about their other parent’s personal life. This can cause considerable tension and conflict within the child.Physically or psychologically “rescuing” the child when there is no threat to their safety, thereby reinforcing the alienation by portraying the other parent as a danger.
Symptoms of Alienation: Provided by Douglas Darnell, Ph.D.
To prevent the devastating effects of Parental Alienation, you must begin by recognizing the symptoms of Parental Alienation. After reading the list, don’t get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children.
1. Giving children choices when they have no choice about visits. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit, because when the court order says there is no choice sets up the child for conflict. The child will usually blame the non-residential parent for not being able to decide to choose whether or not to visit. The parent is now victimized regardless of what happens; not being able to see his children or if he or she sees them, the children are angry.
2. Telling the child “everything” about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they are “just wanting to be honest” with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent’s motive is for the child to think less of the other parent.
3. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences.
4. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities.
5. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.
6. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child’s needs. The alienating parent may also schedule the children in so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visit. Of course, when the targeted parent protests, they are described as not caring and selfish.
7. Assuming that if a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, it follows that the parent will assault the child. This assumption is not always true.
8. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence.
9. Children will become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say “no”. If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, you can suspect parental alienation. Trust your own experience as a parent. Children will forgive and want to be forgiven if given a chance. Be very suspicious when the child calmly says they can not remember any happy times with you or they cannot say anything they like about you.
10. Be suspicious when a parent or stepparent raises the question about changing the child’s name or suggests an adoption.
11. When children can not give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details.
12. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce an on-going alienation.
13. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent’s own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the victimized parent.
14. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child’s visitation.
15. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it’s “okay” to have fun with their other parent.
16. The parent asking the child about his or her other parent’s personal life causes the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents.
17. When parents physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child’s mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation.
18. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders.
19. Listening in on the children’s phone conversation they are having with the other parent.
20. One way to cause your own alienation is making a habit of breaking promises to your children. In time, your ex-spouse will get tired of having to make excuses for you.
