I was in a relationship with a domineering control freak, having sustained many years of mental,emotional and psychological abuse, I could take no more. It is difficult for me to put into words the full story of what I have been through for a number of reason, firstly, there are no words for the torment and torture that has been inflicted upon me, secondly, I would then be forced to relive what can only be described as a living hell,lastly, I don’t think anyone would really ever believe that what I have been subjected to could be possible.
In a nutshell, following an acrimonious divorce, I was hounded, stalked,pestered and terrorized constantly. When he realised that he was no longer able to control me, he started using every weapon available, the last being the children, as he always knew we had been incredibly close. The children were informed they didn’t need to listen to me, that they could live with him and do whatever they wished to do, this was only the tip of the iceberg. His new wife (interestingly, who trained as a nanny, carefully chosen by him), became the perfect accomplice in what can only be described as a sick game of chess. I ended up backwards and forwards to the police, courts, running up legal fees unimaginable, and my hands were tied. He was able to throw money at the legal system, and played an outstanding performance as himself the victim, when the truth was he was and still remains the perpetrator of hideous crimes, against his own children.
The courts have insisted time after time, that my children must and need to see me, and yet every time, I have called to make arrangements,these have been changed at the eleventh hour, they are out, they don’t want to speak, I could go on and on. I have nearly had a breakdown over the trauma.
I am curious to know how another woman who knows nothing about me, chose to be so downright spiteful. Does she not realise, he is very capable of doing this to her? It is now 5 years since I have seen or heard from my children, they have eradicated me from their lives under the influence of my ex husband.
I have lost countless so called “friends” as a result of his campaign of lies. I worry that I have lost my children forever and indeed any potential grandchildren will also be kept from me as well.
Story submitted by JK
on Jul 12th, 2012 at 8:52 pm
DEAR JK, i AM IN THE SAME SITUATION AS YOU. i FINALLY HAD THE GUTS TO LEAVE MY MANIPULATIVE, FUNCTIONING ALCOHOLIC HUSBAND AND AS A RESULT HAVE “LOST” MY ELDEST SON. THE HEARTBREAK IS AWFUL AND IT IS ALL I CAN DO TO NOT BE SWALLOWED UP BY THE BITTERNESS. LOSING A CHILD I LOVED AND CARED FOR TO A MAN WHO NEGLECTS AND MANIPULATES.
CRYING AS I WRITE THIS. X
on Jul 22nd, 2012 at 11:26 am
I’m currently recovering or should I say have just had a nervous breakdown I’m far from being able to “behave normal” i feel part of my recovery is to deal with 13 years of abuse and stalking and harassment and then four years of court battle over 2 of my 4 children that I’ve not had with me.I’ve lost every bit of confidence integrity trust and hope to live but have 2 other children I’ve had to consider which gave me purpose to get up in a morning,having lost my home car dog money etc I effectively became homeless during the period I had decided to leave my abuser,he couldn’t bare the thought I had found strength to leave him,how could I dare embarrass the family that way he began alienating me with two of children at my lowest point as I was also grieving the suicide of my father.(the main reason I found the strength to put a stop the abuse) I’ve had top physiologists and carcass reports court orders all made against the horrible man that is now with a mother of 4 whom is studying to be a midwife say that he was alienating and shouldn’t have the children in his care but the courts granted the boys to think with their feet as they were 11 at the time,now 15 my heart aches I grieve for my own children that are still very much alive and hero worship their father and his new fiancé,she really is a very intelligent woman but cannot see whatsoever the awful situation her partner has caused,my children nor have a relationship with grandparents.aunties,cousins etc and the anguish was made worse recently(coincidently with my breakdown) they were moved away by him and against court orders yet again,but the children now 15 placed their views with me that their father is now the most decent reliable respectable man etc he’s told them all the horrible things he did to me and they’ve forgiven him!,I’ve lost the battle,I cannot convince by children of the lies their father has told to alienate me from their lives. There’s no more legal avenues for me to take. When I am well enough I intend to write a letter to him,the boys,his girlfriend,cafcass,my solicitor,the judges involved in the 12 court orders made,the physiologists,his family and explain just how destroyed relationships are,and e en tho I took it out of court at the boys wishes as I was promised this would promote a relationship with them,the courts have gone away,legal aid ended,cafcass closed the case,the children moved away,him moved on in his fancy life with a wonderful woman,I’m left with a great big hole of bereavement where my children should be.