Our story
On 17th July 2010, T was brought to my door by a policeman. Social Services had been present at the police interview when they video’d T and realised within 5 minutes of talking to him that he had been significantly emotionally and mentally abused by his father – and that ‘none of his needs were being met’. I had not seen or had any contact with T for over a year.
The following is a brief outline of what happened prior to 2010.
In 2001 I left my son with his father, taking nothing but my two older children (from a previous marriage) following a final violent argument. Thomas was 2 and a half. It has now been 10 years since that day and I still replay it in my head, those events on that day that led up to my leaving. I know I cannot change what happened and I have battled to accept it ever since, I am finally beginning to forgive myself. Leaving T was the most difficult decision that I (n)ever made, it was not a conscious decision, I ran to save my sanity and on the day, I ran to save my life.
This difficult marriage left wounds, eventually I started on the healing process in which I just looked at my side and what attracted me to a man like this. I am left with a scar (as we all are) but if I had not done the work, it would have been re-infected over and over again. We are still healing. The following is the story of what happened after I left. This is how parental alienation happened to me.
After I left in 2001 we were put into temporary and disgusting accommodation for 5 months. When we were rehoused, I started to get some regular contact with T. It was never smooth, T’s dad would shout at me in the street, record me when we met for handovers and generally be Mr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. There were many, many times when contact would be arranged and then he would not turn up for no apparent reason. He would take T out of school early on my contact days and generally behaved how ever he wanted. I had parental responsibility and no one had residency at this point. I went to court and won shared care. For a year, T did a week on a week off, but really, it just placated us parents, T just could not adjust to 2 homes, 2 sets of rules and the very different parenting styles, me and his father had never agreed upon. T’s behaviour started to change and was getting worse.
I met my partner S in 04/03. During 2003 I sought help for T and myself, he was being aggressive towards me, kicking me and hitting me, his moods were awful and he was really rude towards me. I spoke to his father who promptly put it back on me saying T was perfectly behaved for him and it was just me. Something wasn’t right but I just thought it was me.
I started re-training throughout the 2001 – 2003, college, 1 full time course and 1 part time course, a part time job and was a full time mum. In December 2003 I qualified as a counsellor specialising in addictions. In 2004 I was diagnosed with breast cancer, following 9 months of treatment, I started to get better and then my father died in November. Life was difficult! My partner and me started our company at the end of 2004.
In October 2006 my ex took my son on ‘holiday’ I was told they would be going to Portugal and the reason for this trip was that T’s father was ill and was looking at significantly impaired physical ability so wanted to spend some quality time with T. They went to Portugal (to which I had agreed to) and then went to Morocco, to which I hadn’t agreed and stayed there for over a year. Morocco is not within the Hague Convention so any legal interventions would have been difficult neigh on impossible. I did contact the Foreign Office and Reunite and my case was treated as a child abduction.
The trip turned into 27 months of me not seeing and having very sporadic contact with my son. I had no communication with him for 13 months, He was taken out of the UK for around 18 months, against my wishes and returned to this country at the end of 2007 but I was not informed of his whereabouts when they returned. I tried to find him and eventually tracked him down to a town around just 40 miles away. Just as I made contact with the school and told them of the situation, they treated me with suspicion, the first of many professionals that did, they moved again.
We hired a private investigator. He tracked T, his father and his new Moroccan wife to a Cornish village. I started legal proceedings. Eventually in early 2009, I made contact with T. This first contact took place in Polperro, a small pretty fishing village, we (my partner and me) drove into the car park, my phone rang, Thomas’s dad was on the other end telling me that I had been told not to bring anyone with me, Thomas did not want to meet anyone other than me. My partner had come to support me on the way there and back. I knew T would only be able to cope with making new connections with me. So typical of T’s dad to assume the position of power and control. It took about 30 minutes before T and me dropped into being comfortable with each other. We went on to have some really good contact for around 8 months but it was evident that my relationship was being chronically undermined by his dad, phone calls were listened in on, T was pumped for information about me/us.
Then on T’s birthday in 2009, I questioned why he was calling his step mother mum. His father came on the phone and told me never to call again, he was sick of my undermining his family! Completely unable of the irony of this, it remains in T’s understanding that I am ‘as bad as dad’ for this event. I was told not to call again. T was told that I had not paid the phone bill so could not have contact with him. I did not have contact with T for another year and in that year, the worst was yet to come for T.
What followed was a year of extraordinary events that continue to come to light. Whilst away in 2006, they had stayed in a campsite in Portugal. It was around the time that Maddie McCann went missing. Back in the UK during the early summer of May 2009, a news paper story broke about how T’s dad had stayed on a campsite with a known paedophile. T had been around this man for some months. T’s dad sold a dubious story to the press about this man and made money out of it. My son was around a known paedophile and his father seemed to be profiting out of it. Again the irony of this was not lost on me, he sold a story and made money out of a missing child whilst having taken our son away from everything he had even know and against his mother’s wishes, I wonder what the newspaper would have made of that.
2009 became a year of T not attending much school, he started at secondary school and after a 1 month, was taken out of school due to bullying. He was ‘home schooled’. The Education Welfare Officer became involved and knew he was not getting any education, T was ‘invited’ back to school. I had made contact with the school to inform them of the situation regarding my status, ie have a contact order but his father is not observing it and explained about what I understood was Parental Alienation. Something must have clicked at this school and they started to see something was not quite right.
In February 2010, I had a call from T’s school asking if I knew where T was. I did not. What transpired is this. T’s dad went back to Morocco with his family, by this time, T had a baby half brother. Whilst in Morocco staying with N’s (new wife) family, there was a row. T’s father had ‘converted’ to the Muslim religion in order to marry had told the family he had not actually done this, this is seen as a heinous act and the Moroccan family were furious. T’s father and the family fled back to this country. The Moroccan family were so angry with T’s dad they put a Fatwa on him and all his bloodline to kill them, the details of this fatwa were known to Thomas. The police got involved as a protection exercise at this point, Thomas and the family were taken into hiding.
On 17th July 2010, T was brought to my door by a policeman. Social Services had been present at the police interview when they video’d T and realised within 5 minutes of talking to him that he had been significantly emotionally and mentally abused and that ‘none of his needs were being met’.
We now have an interim residence order in my favour. T’s dad can have supervised contact at the moment whilst the courts work out if he is still a danger he may not be able to handle T’s needs or try and manipulate him. So far he has failed to engage in court process, he has not given any of the psychological or physical health evidence requested. T has been with us for nearly a year now, there have been many ups and downs and we are all learning to be with each other. It has never been my intention to stop T from having a relationship with his father, indeed, I have actively encouraged the relationship to continue. T’s dad is not interacting with the courts and is in dangerously close to having indirect contact only. The final court hearing is in June 2011.
If you found this site, I hope it helps for you to know that you are not alone.
