I was told via text that I should not call my son’s house again. I still do though, I will not give up trying to talk to Thomas. He has a mobile phone that I believe he has lost or had taken away, I send a message every day to Thomas. I send a text almost every to to his father for Thomas, just saying I am thinking of him. Sometimes I call the house phone.
Today I called the house phone and it was answered by his step mother, I asked to speak to Thomas, I was told he was ‘not there’. I asked if I could speak to him if he was there she said ‘no’. I asked how he was ‘he is fine’. I asked if he was allowed to speak to me, she said ‘she would have to ask’. I told her that I felt sorry for her being in this situation and that I hoped it would never happen to her and she said ‘not in a million years’. Funny how she is so positive, if I had asked myself when Thomas was a baby that I would be apart from my child in years to come, I would have said the same as her.
My support comes in the form of my 250 miles away, brilliant step mum. Over the years we have lived with and dealt with some hard, emotional and at times, impossible situations. She has the best ears in the world and really knows how to listen. It helps that we both choose to work on our step parent/child relationship. It paid back billions in untold ways. I am so grateful.
It helps to be understood, it helps to be validated because I believed that there was something wrong with me, low self esteem comes from believing less about self and more about other people, comparison sets up discrepancies. He does that, I don’t that must mean somebody is right/wrong. Trouble is, in Parental Alienation, who is right and who is wrong is not the issue. Who has Thomas and what is being done to Thomas is the issue. So, I will be consistent in calling my son, I will keep on texting and will leave messages. I am doing what I can to get contact with my son, even though when I ring, the talk about me will be negative.
The solicitor told us that when a parent has an alienating pattern of behaviour, it usually the woman. When is it a man, it is even worse. I know that Thomas’s father has issues, I know where and when this behaviour started (a point in childhood) but knowing that doesn’t change a thing. Only he can change what is wrong and I am not holding my breath.