A summary of some of the causes of parental alienation
Whilst researching PAS and HAP (hostile aggressive parent) I came across something that I most wanted to cover on this website, the reasons why alienation happens.
The following passage is taken from www.parental-alienation-awareness.com
“Anger and revenge Anger and revenge and the inability to control it, are the most common underlying causes of Hostile-Aggressive Parenting behaviour. Usually, when a couple separates, there is a lot of pain and hurt caused by the separation. Unfortunately, many parents are unable to deal with their hurt in a positive way and, instead, focus their emotions in a damaging way towards their former spouse and family. Their anger and need for revenge against the other parent takes control to some extent. In severe cases, these emotions can become the main motivating factors in those persons’ lives. Although anger and revenge are basic human reactions, they can be kept largely under control and their adverse affects on children eliminated if the appropriate intervention strategies are employed through the court process coupled with the proper support from the community.”
The above statement is hugely important to me, I see my ex’s anger and revenge to be the main drivers behind why my child is not in my life. There is no law in the UK that states that these personality trait needs to be treated! I know there is no law in the land that will make my ex think or feel differently about me! In order to treat this condition the alienating person needs to want to change. Being ‘motivated’ by court is not likely, we already have a piece of paper that states I have the right to see my child and that is being ignored so why would another piece of paper change his thinking ? This seems to be the root of this case of PA, that the poisoned and damaging thinking is re-affirmed over and over and during a period of 8 years my son has inevitably taken this attitude on board.
My aim has always been to try and break the cycle of thinking so it is not passed on (in all of us!). In this country, counselling, therapy and help for parents still has a bit of a stigma attached. not many parents are willing or open to having help or maybe being seen as a failure in their parenting. Help is not easily or cheaply available and I do not believe that enough professional people are aware of PAS, I would like to raise awareness. I am working on my own to find some sort of recovery. Despite all of that HELP is crucial if we want to illuminate these problems and start to learn some ways of healing some of the PA wounds.